This is what happened once I allowed destiny to control my life
This is what happened once I allowed destiny to control my life.
“She’s different from the other kids…” I overhear my mother telling Helena, while hiding behind the door. “She’s like a little adult who seems to understand everything we say. I have to watch out about the conversations I have when she’s around.” – She continues to describe the 4 year old me to our old family friend back in 1984. “I wonder if that’s because she spends too much time around adults?! Maybe she should spend more time at the kindergarten around other kids so she can be more of a child.”
My blood freezes. My heart skips a few beats. “I don’t want to spend more time at the kindergarten” – I think to myself. “That will steal time away from playing at my farm, with my animal friends and the fairies that live in the woods. Besides, other kids are way too childish.”
Those were the days when I din’t think about the future. Those were the times I didn’t worry about what was coming next and I didn’t waste time with attachments or regrets about the past. In a way, children are just like any other animal; living for the moment, every single second. Being fully present in their lives. Expressing their feelings freely without embarrassments of what others or society may think. In a way, children are the perfect human beings. They’re pure and curious and always speak from the heart, whether they’re being mean or pleasant.
And then we grow up. Society molds us like a piece of clay that is hardening day by day. We absorb the ideas, preconceptions and fears others have projected upon us. We learn how to have limiting thoughts. We learn that we can’t have everything we want. We buy the idea we shouldn’t love ourselves above all, because that would be considered vanity. So we start loving others and putting others in front of our needs in an eternal battle to please. We learn to compete instead of cooperating. We learn that in a fast paced society, looks is what really matters. We females absorb the idea that we should present ourselves in a certain way, or we’ll never be able to find the love of our lives. Or even worse: if we don’t stand up to the unrealistic high physical expectations and demands of society, we’ll lose him for a younger, thinner woman with bigger boobs.
As I grew older, in the heart of a totally dysfunctional family with a high level of domestic violence (that extended to me once I turned into a teenager) these ideas and values had already been planted deep in my soul. Same ideas and thoughts haunted the lives of most around me. We were a lost generation that sprung out of a new reality called divorced parents and fragmented families. We seek validation in others instead of nurturing ourselves on a desperate need to fill in the gap.
That was the day I found my guru. My path in life. The open road! The road never judges us, never limits us, never tries to fit us into the conventional. On the other hand, “she” transforms us into ourselves. She gives us more and more and more every single time.
She showed me nature in its most splendid state. She brought me to some of the world’s most vibrant metropolis. She showed me that there were other people in the world that never ate animals and made me feel “normal”. The road showed me that despite having many nicknames, God is the same everywhere. She showed me the value of diversity… the beauty of being different and the power of adaptation. The road gave me back the life that society had stolen.
The sweet breeze from a tropical Filipino island that caressed my hair every morning became my lover. The mountains of Nepal became my adrenaline rush. Those Buddhist temples in Myanmar and Thailand became my refuge and the Azan (call for prayer) in Istanbul became the compass of my heart beat. And I’ve learned to let go…
I’ve learned to let go because there are no routines when we travel. There are no rigid preconceived ideas, when every culture is so different. There is no racism, because we’re all so similar. There is no loneliness because everyone we meet becomes our family. There are no expectations because we can’t predict how tomorrow is going to be. There are no attachments because we know, sooner or later we’re going to leave.
And I feel like that 4 year old again. Not worrying about the future, not regretting anything about my past. Living every single day to the fullest. Loving every person I meet with all my heart. Speaking from the heart, because there is always someone who understands it. Not seeking validation in others, because I’m aware that everything I need lies within myself. Being able to finally share my life with a lover, because I’m aware that once I’m complete I can finally give. And that’s what life and love is all about – about what we can give, not just abut what we can get.
TELL ME HOW THE OPEN ROAD HAS CHANGED YOUR LIFE! I’D LOVE TO HEAR YOUR STORIES!